Â鶹ÊÓƵ

The Importance of Losing

September 17, 2021

That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning. Richard Bach

When the Australian men’s Olympic basketball team lost their match to the USA, which ceased their run to the gold-medal playoff, their coach, the legendary Brian Goorjian, shared his initial thoughts in five insightful words – ‘You win, or you learn.’ And yes, we all need to learn through losing. If you’ve ever had the cringe-worthy experience of seeing your child lose without grace, even in something as simple as pass the parcel, then you know that losing gracefully is an art form worth developing. Throughout our lives we will all lose at things that matter a great deal more than a game of 'pass the parcel', won’t we!


I’ve watched a lot of Netball finals over the past two weekends – games which typically hold greater weight than those in the general round. I’ve seen a lot of winners and learners, (not losers), if we take up Goorjian’s phrase. Invariably, at such times, I’m struck by the effort that girls give to these matches: the pure, determined, resolute way they keep going to the final whistle. Sometimes it’s with glimpses of stooped shoulders, sometimes it’s with momentary defeated facial expressions but almost always, the legs keep running and the effort remains palpable. Yes, Sport teaches us a lot about ourselves – if we allow it to. Legendary American Basketball coach, John Wooden, puts it this way, ‘Losing is only temporary and not all encompassing. You must simply study it, learn from it, and try hard not to lose the same way again. Then you must have the self-control to forget about it.'


Like so many aspects of life, the hardest and darkest moments teach us the most about ourselves. In our most vulnerable times, in those deep, hard losses, the ones that matter most to us, we have the greatest opportunity to learn. We can win through our losses. Of course, to see losing that way requires a seismic mind shift. Because our default position, the one typically taught to us by society, is that a win is a win, and a loss is a loss. Consider the Olympians who waited five years to don green and gold for their country and, despite their best effort, best intentions, and best preparation, were unsuccessful in fulfilling their goal. Winners or losers or learners? To appear on the Olympic stage is a win, irrespective of result; the self-learning must be vast. Sometimes, a near win can be more motivating than an actual win … sometimes… Sarah Lewis in her 2014 TED talk writes of the importance of embracing the near win, because, in her words, ‘coming close to what you thought you wanted can help you to attain more than you ever dreamed you could.’


It was fascinating to read the recent post-match media deconstruction of the Brisbane Lions heart-wrenching one-point loss to the Bulldogs; that stinging loss in the final seconds of their semi-final. Of course, a match is never really won or lost in a moment, is it? It is the cumulative moments that lead to the final outcome. It is sometimes won in the pre-season or as a result of excellence in training, or the magic of a team that combines like none other – usually it requires all three. Fagan described the commentary that criticised the nature of their loss in the dying moments of the game, by just one point, as a simplistic reading of the match and the season. Despite the sombre mood that followed, he spoke of disappointment stoking a fire within the Lions players and staff – in a sense, embracing the near win. ‘I think we've shown a lot of character and it'll hold us in good stead, a lot of these things do,’ Fagan said.


But we are perfection-seekers, aren’t we? In our drive for excellence, we sometimes fail to appreciate the small wins, the near wins, or the dignity involved in losing well. Steph Gilmore, arguably one of the greatest surfers in the world knows what it is like to miss out, to lose – and to win through that loss. At age 22, she found herself the target of an unprovoked physical attack. A stranger singled her out as she was climbing the stairs to her flat one evening, followed her, and hit her four times with a crowbar. He didn’t rob her. He didn’t sexually assault her. She endured a badly broken wrist and head injuries and was deeply affected for the next 18 months. He stopped her run at success. And thus, came her first taste of what she perceived initially as failure. Yet she made this powerful observation, ‘It was the best thing that ever happened to me. All those thoughts of being perfect, I could let them go. The perfect career was finished, and I could stop holding on so tight.’ When she won her next world title nearly two years later she had perspective, and gratitude. She said that being successful had meaning for the first time in her life.


So, as the Netball season closes for another year, it provides a timely reminder about how important it is to have experienced losses, wins and … learning. In the learning is the growth and sometimes the ignited passion to improve. ‘Learning to lose gracefully is important for several reasons, but perhaps the most important is that it is just part of life. Some of us lose a lot, some not so much, but none of us come out on top all the time' (Smith, 2010). Naively, we sometimes imagine that great athletes follow a smooth path to success; as a spectator it can appear that it’s easy for them to achieve fame. Consider Serena Williams and her amazing career singles record - 843 wins! Counterpoint to these 843 wins have been 147 losses. She has lost grand slams and big centre-court matches, 147 times. ‘She has had to pick herself up, dust herself off and try harder next time’ (Bowen, 2020). No doubt she has learned through those losses, changed through those losses, and taken all of that learning to her next match. Yes, it is important to lose because we develop empathy for others in that situation, and we build a platform from which to improve, to grow, and to approach the same and other circumstances with greater strength, into the future. We win or we learn.


Dr Linda Evans | Principal



References


Bowen, F. (2020). Losing gracefully is one of the most important lessons from playing sports


Rivera, R. (2016).


Smith, S. (2010).


Steinhoff, A. (2016).




More News…

By Sarah Richardson January 31, 2025
Beginning. Starting. Commencing. What does beginning well actually look like? Sometimes when we expect a perfect start, we overlook the quiet power of simply showing up, the world is run by those who show up. Those people who never, ever ring the bell, those people who show up, even when it is hard to do so, especially when it is hard to do so. Brene Brown reminds us that “the willingness to show up changes us, it makes us a little braver each time we do.” In enacting bravery, it is important to start small if that’s what it takes. American Naval Admiral, William McRaven says this: “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you can’t do the little things right, then you will never do the big things right.” He believes in persistence. His mantra is this: don’t ever, ever ring the bell. He refers to the initial training for the United States of America Navy Sea, Air, and Land Teams the SEALS. Their initial training sees more than 80 percent of participants drop out. During this training, a brass bell hangs in the center of the room for all the students to see. If they find the work too hard. If they decide against becoming a SEAL. All they have to do to quit—is to ring the bell. Ring the bell and they no longer have to wake up at 5 o’clock. Ring the bell and they no longer have to complete freezing cold swims. Ring the bell and they no longer have to endure long runs carrying heavy weights, the obstacle courses, or to suffer the hardships of training. Just ring the bell and it’s all over. When exhausted SEAL candidates reach their breaking point, they haul themselves to the bell and ring it three times. The sound echoes through the training grounds and announces publicly that another candidate has “opted out.” All they have to do is ring the bell. Just ring the bell and the hard work stops. I wonder if Lilli Hamilton (Queensland cricketer and HEAT member) rang the bell when Cricket training no longer felt like it was fun, or if Alex Edwards (Australian Orienteering representative) opted out of orienteering because frankly, the distance was too far, or if Scarlett Sippell (Emus National Youth Touch Football Squad member) gave up because training was too tough …. what they would miss out on … When we opt out, even when it is hard, we also miss out on possibilities. There are so many opportunities at Â鶹ÊÓƵto achieve one’s best - academically. In the Arts. In Sport. Opportunities to serve others. To be a good friend – a good person. But then again, if any of those things are too hard, all anyone has to do is – opt out. Say it’s too hard. Say they didn’t get selected in the right team. Say their teachers didn’t give them the right results. Say they weren’t given the right position. Text their parents and tell them that Â鶹ÊÓƵis awful. All they have to do, is ring the bell. Yet, if we want to change the world, If we want to get the best out of this year at Fairholme, whatever that involves - never ever give up. Start small, aim big. Always show up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever, ever ring the bell. The most meaningful changes in life are often built in the times that no one sees, and, importantly, in the daily decision to simply show up, and to show up for others. When my daughter, Natalie was twenty-one, she began her teaching career at an Autism specialty school in Brixton, London. She would phone me often: for advice, for debriefing, for re-setting – her school was classified as being in Special Measures – it was on the brink of closure. Often, when she phoned to describe her day – to talk about the boys in her class, all aged 12 or 13, it went a little like this: “Today, Mashley threw a chair through a window because he didn’t like the activity we were doing. I had to break up a fight at lunch. Jerome pulled a knife on me. Three boys in my class have joined gangs.” I wanted to say: “Natalie: get another job. That one is too dangerous.” I wanted to fly her home from London, immediately. I had to stop the urge to board the next plane to London and rescue her. But my advice to her – was this: Show up. Keep showing up. No matter how you feel… Get up, dress up, show up: don’t give up. These kids need to know that someone cares enough to show up. After all, when we show up for others, we can affect the most profound of changes. I am always intrigued about who shows up here at Â鶹ÊÓƵ– especially at difficult times. In 2011 when floods ravaged Toowoomba and so much of Â鶹ÊÓƵwas flooded – staff showed up - in their holidays. They turned up to rip up carpets, move furniture, clean floors, and walls. Last year, in the sadness of Sess’ passing our community showed up, in droves, with deep compassion – importantly, our community showed up for one another. I think of 2024 Year 12s who showed up for others, after they had officially finished attending classes at and were preparing for or undertaking their external exams. Lizzy Kelly and Ciara Teahan showed up to play in the stage band, for the Year 11 Leaders Assembly, so that the group could perform at its best. Roma Aarons came to an Assembly in November to share a fabulous rendition of ‘Hotel California’. On a Sunday morning, early in December, graduated students Rachel Yap, Alana Callaghan, Amelia Ramia and Roma Aarons, showed up at Rosies to prepare food for Toowoomba people who don’t have easy access to basic necessities. After last year’s Interschool Athletics Carnival, Clare Hogan noticed staff picking up loads of lost property and carrying it into the Assembly Hall. She asked – Can I help? When we show up, especially when it is for others, especially when it’s hard, we learn a lot about ourselves and others. The students at the school where my daughter taught in Brixton, London – needed teachers to show up, they needed people to notice them, they needed interest, care, attention. They needed to know that they mattered. The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time, particularly when we show up for others. Show up. Keep showing up. Show up for others. And remember the advice of Naval Admiral, William McRaven … even when it’s hard, don’t ever, ever ring the bell. Begin well, continue well, finish well. Dr Linda Evans │Principal
By Sarah Richardson January 23, 2025
Â鶹ÊÓƵCollege student Zoe Hurford is currently living the dream as part of an exchange program with the prestigious Rugby School in England. Her time abroad has been filled with memorable moments, cultural discoveries, and a deep appreciation for the warmth and support of the Rugby School community. ‘The Rugby School is incredible," Zoe shares enthusiastically. ‘My time here is disintegrating far too quickly, and there is so much more I want to do. Everyone is really welcoming and supportive—staff and students—and I cannot wait to make more memories with them all.’ Zoe recently had the chance to address the entire school during Chapel. In her speech, she highlighted Fairholme's rich history and shared some amusing observations about differences between Australia and the UK. Her witty recount of answering common questions about Australia had the audience in stitches. ‘Yes, I’ve seen a kangaroo. No, I don’t look under every chair in case something is sitting under it. Yes, there are spiders. No, I wouldn’t recommend trying to beat up a kangaroo,’ she joked, bringing a taste of Aussie humour to the English school. As part of her exchange, Zoe has embraced Rugby 7s as her chosen sport and is relishing every muddy moment on the pitch. ‘I am absolutely loving it, even though the pitches are always muddy—it’s too cold for them to dry. Returning to Bradley covered in mud has become a ritual. I’ve loved learning more about the game and am excited to improve my skills in the coming weeks.’ Adjusting to the academic life at Rugby School has been a challenge Zoe has embraced with determination. ‘My classes have been really good, more so now that I can actually find them,’ she laughs. ‘There’s a clear distinction between the work I’ve done and what they are doing here, but with my classmates' help, I’m getting fairly comfortable with the topics.’ No update about England would be complete without a mention of the weather. Zoe finds it surprisingly manageable. ‘It’s definitely cold, some days more than others, but it isn’t as cold as I was expecting. It doesn’t have Toowoomba’s harsh winds, so that makes a big difference,’ she says. However, the shorter daylight hours have been a noticeable change. ‘By 4 p.m., it’s dark, which makes doing afternoon activities a lot harder. And sadly, my farmer’s tan is slowly disappearing—a reality I’m still coming to terms with.’ As Zoe continues to immerse herself in this transformative experience, she remains grateful for the opportunity to represent Â鶹ÊÓƵCollege and explore all that Rugby School has to offer.
By Sarah Richardson January 20, 2025
Â鶹ÊÓƵCollege has officially launched its High-Performance Sport Program, an innovative initiative aimed at supporting student athletes in achieving their sporting and academic goals. The launch marked a significant milestone in the College’s ongoing commitment to empowering young women through both education and sport. Olympian and Â鶹ÊÓƵOld Girl Tatum Stewart was the guest of honour, returning to her alma mater to help unveil the program. ‘It’s super exciting for these Â鶹ÊÓƵstudents to have the exposure to this High-Performance Program. Looking back, if I had an opportunity like this, it definitely would have catapulted me even sooner into the high-performance sporting world,’ said Tatum. Casey Reynoldson, Fairholme’s newly appointed Head of High Performance, also sharing her vision for the program and her extensive experience in elite sports. Casey brings a wealth of expertise to the program, having studied Exercise Science, a Bachelor of Exercise Physiology, and completed a Masters of Secondary Teaching. She recently returned from the University of Yale, where she conducted a research project, adding further depth to her leadership of the program. ‘I’m incredibly excited to lead this new chapter for Fairholme’s athletes,’ said Casey. ‘The program is designed to help them enhance their athletic performance while providing them with the tools needed to balance the challenges of sport and academics.’ The program includes tailored strength and conditioning plans, load management strategies, recovery programs, fitness testing, and academic support. A highlight of the launch was the live demonstration of the program’s state-of-the-art timing gates, which will help athletes track and improve their performance. Â鶹ÊÓƵhas a proud legacy of athletic excellence, producing Olympians like Tatum Stewart, Dom Du Toit, Emilee Cherry, Cathy Freeman, and Dannielle Leisch. This year alone, over 130 Â鶹ÊÓƵteams competed locally, with 450+ girls excelling in individual sports, 127 Darling Downs Representatives, and 21 Queensland athletes! This new program is set to propel Fairholme’s athletes to even greater success, reinforcing the College’s commitment to fostering the next generation of sporting champions.
All News
Share by: