Â鶹ÊÓƵ

Leaving

Nov 13, 2023

“Nowhere is as beautiful as when it’s left. The beauty is part of the leaving.” (Joanna Walsh)


The blossoming of jacarandas with their tangled purple carpets is always an omen. It signifies exams and it heralds departures. Bittersweet, it announces a time to let go, of farewells, and the ultimate dance of the in between … the capricious precipice and tightrope walk between the safety net of school and the unfurling lure of a world bigger than the imagination.


It is frightening and fabulous, all at once. It is in this swinging grief cycle that parents and school-leavers vacillate, invariably out of synch with one another, both relishing the finish line and fearing it. No-one ever warned us as parents that joy and grieving could be so entwined and so sharp in their contrast.


This is the moment you have worked towards, anticipated and … now it’s here. Some are bravely celebrating its arrival. Perhaps others, a little like I did more than a decade ago, find yourself unprepared for the reality.


Independence – the end game for us all in the business of raising adolescents, is messy, hard-fought, and not without its complications. The post-school world presents freedoms that eliminate parental control with an abruptness that can take our breath away.


It is no surprise that we thirst to feel wanted, just for a little longer. We would like to regain the equilibrium of the pre-adolescent state, even just for a moment: wouldn’t we?


It’s been a long journey from big backpacks, Velcro shoes and hats able to block out every ray of sunshine, to P Plates, trips away with friends and the lure of post-school life. ‘A blink of an eye’, is the cliché that comes to mind, as we look at photographs that represent each of these phases.


Finishing school is both poignant with promise and, at times, wrought with sadness. It is, after all, one of the ultimate departures. Lunch boxes, end of term drop offs and pick-ups, the scramble to construct a fancy-dress costume at a minute’s notice, late night assignments, lost bags, found bags, computer trouble and the quest for independence all collide messily.


Somewhere, somehow, in the midst of the mire that is childhood and adolescence, there is growth in abundance. Yet, it doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes it just feels like loss.


Always, at this point in a year, as our Seniors take their leave, reflections stick deeply with all who have crossed their paths. We forgive and forget the challenging moments, landing instead, on the all-encompassing journey, making the words of Shakespeare: “nothing became [her] in this [Fairholme] life, like the leaving of it” high jump to life.


Suddenly, the small moments loom large. For boarding supervisors, memories of dorm rooms filled with the detritus of school life become cute rather than frustrating. Teachers think fondly on the exuberance of some or the reticence of others. United, all see growth – big as an oak tree and collectively nod in alignment – “see how far they have come, see how far they have to go,” they muse.


This is the pause. The moment in between. The suspenseful middle.


Our seniors are stepping across the threshold of safety, certainty, and routine … some at a sprint, some more hesitantly, but they are all taking their leave into the tantalizing world beyond.


One last exam. One last stroll through G Block corridor. One last Assembly. One last wearing of the tartan. That’s how it goes, each and every year. Parents ask, “is it sad for you too?” And it is. Every time. Like you, we are torn between letting go and holding on for one more last.


Thank you for sharing your daughters with us. Thank you for your patience with us, in the tough times, the learning times, the growth times: we will miss you too. But we know that life moves on with unerring speed, and that for now, these young women will move forward with just a few glances backwards from whence they have come.


It will be later, perhaps years later, that a life moment will nudge them back into this space, to connect with their Â鶹ÊÓƵsisterhood because, in the words of, Susie Anderson, in her prophetic poem, departure, “they will always have somewhere to return,” and thus it is important that they “don’t forget to take place with [them]” as they go.


“Nowhere is as beautiful as when it’s left. The beauty is part of the leaving.” (Joanna Walsh)

 

Dr Linda Evans | Principal


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I am soaking in the delights of fiercely contested debating finals, narrow wins and losses on the courts and fields of Toowoomba where the temperature is always colder or hotter than forecast and, the unparalleled joy of Junior School girls dancing on stage without inhibition, some perfectly attuned with the music’s beat and other’s not. I am absorbing the opportunity to witness learning at its essence. Performance in sport or The Arts is a public event. If your artwork is hung in a gallery space it is ‘public’ – open to be appreciated or criticised. If one is singing, dancing, debating or playing an instrument on stage with an audience there is nowhere to hide if an error is made. And, on a court or field – one’s performance is open to scrutiny or praise – or everything in between. Becoming is core business at these times. Anthony Simcoe, perhaps best known for his role as Steve in the epic Australian film, ‘The Castle’ with lines like, “Dale dug a hole, Dad,” or “How much for jousting sticks?” was a gangly fifteen-year-old boy when I first met him at Burnside State High School in Nambour, where he was seeking to master the volleyball dig, serve and set. Who would have imagined his becoming? Even years on, Anthony would say that he learned to become an actor through washing dishes at cafes – earning money between acting jobs – learning to observe the humanness in his customers. He washed a lot of dishes and served a lot of tables in order to become a credible member of ‘The Castle’s’ Kerrigan family. In tedious hours he learned about people and about hard, repetitive work. Repetition is the underpinning pattern of rehearsal and practice. Some of us do it well, others not so. I hear it in action many mornings as I pass the Performing Arts building, I see it on mornings and afternoons in our gym and on our oval. Rehearsal. Practice. Becoming. It is far more palpable; it would seem, than our classroom learning which inhabits a far more private space: often behind a closed door. How special it was, a few weeks ago, to invite the parents of Year 12.1 English to join their daughter, Mrs Anderson and I for a Period Five Friday afternoon lesson of ‘Macbeth.’ Seated in a huge circle in the confines of G24, students directed the lesson: spelling, quotations, thematic discussions and questions, for their parent and the other class members. It was an impressive moment (from a teacher’s perspective anyway) – to see students demonstrate their knowledge in a semi-public forum. It was timely for parents, no doubt, to remember the awkwardness of not knowing an answer, the joy of accuracy as well as the discomfort of feedback about an incorrect assumption – these are aspects of learning with which our students grapple, daily … as they become. There was delight in sharing the messiness of learning, the non-linear path of knowledge and how these segue to ‘becoming.’ Although, that moment of self-actualisation we seek or reaching the mountain top does not come at the same time or in the same way for any of us. And we have to be patient from our sideline position. We have to trust the process. We have to remember also, that losing and missing out are important components of future winning. We have to remember in the words of Saint Ignatius Loyola, Spanish Priest, theologian and thinker, “we learn only when we are ready to learn.” St. Ignatius reminds us that education is not confined to classrooms; it can happen anywhere and at any time: if we allow it. And thus, as adults, as we inhabit more than our fair share of sidelines real and metaphoric, during the rundown to the finish line, let us all be gracious in allowing our young people ‘to become’ … a process that is uneven, at times uncomfortable, messy, deeply disappointing and … often wildly exhilarating. Let us enjoy each and every facet and be gracious in the spaces where alignment with expectation is not met in performance or outcome. It is here, in this place, which can feel unpleasant, unsatisfactory and uninvited that the greatest learning and hence the greatest opportunity to become, can occur. If we, as adults who should know better, don’t mess with ‘the becoming.’ “Another ball game lost! Good grief!” Charlie moans. “I get tired of losing. Everything I do, I lose!” “Look at it this way, Charlie Brown,” Lucy replies. “We learn more from losing than we do from winning.” “That makes me the smartest person in the world!” replies Charlie. Win some. Learn some. Become. Dr Linda Evans │Principal  REFERENCE Maxwell, J. (2013) On Turning a Loss into a Gain | Adapted from Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn (October 2013)
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